First of all, thank you so much for your prayers. The other night was very difficult, but I feel like I was able to work through some things and draw closer to God and Jack.
This morning our family had a sweet time of devotions. Amidst the many challenges and difficulties of these past months, there have been wonderful blessings. One such blessing is that Jack has been with us literally 24/7. We have had some precious times to bond together as a family and for Jack to especially bond with the boys. This morning, we read out of one of our favorite devotionals - the title for today was Faith That Doesn't Ask. I want to share an excerpt with you:
Asking God for a miracle may indicate a lack of faith. Some feel that they demonstrate great faith by continually asking God for miracles. They assume that in every situation God wants to do the spectacular. They presume, for example, that God wants to heal anyone who is sick or provide a miraculous escape from every difficulty they face. Jesus condemned those who insisted that He perform miracles, because He knew their hearts. He recognized that they could not believe Him without constantly under girding their faith with signs. Their faith was not strong enough to survive without the regular supply of the miraculous. Jesus condemned their lack of faith and left them...Sometimes the greatest act of faith is not to ask for a miracle. One of the most amazing statements of faith in the Old Testament came from Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego as they faced the fiery furnace because of their obedience to God. They expressed true faith when they assured king Nebuchadnezzar. 'Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, not will we worship the gold image which you have set up' (Dan. 3: 17-18). They were confident in God's ability to deliver them, but they trusted Him so completely that they did not ask to be spared.
These words struck my heart with amazing force today and rolled around in my mind and heart all day. As I took inventory of the many many times I have asked for miracles and to be spared from different situations, I realized my apparent lack of trust in my Miracle Worker...I realized that sometimes I long so much for the miraclous - so much for God to "show" me something - that I forget that He already has. He has showed me the greatest miracle - new life and salvation. He has spared me from the greatest pain and heartache that I could possibly imagine - eternal separation from Him - if it were not for the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus.
Jack and I know that God is able - able to do the miraculous and able to strengthen our faith and trust without them (miracles). I have been challenged to change the way I pray....I have been challenged with what faith really is and where my confidence rests. Don't get me wrong, I will continue to ask the Lord for GREAT things in Jack's life...I will continue to trust that God is able to do GREAT things in Jack's life....but I also want to be able to say with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, "But if not, I will still trust the Lord!"
I don't want my faith to be dependent on signs that I can see with my eyes. We don't know how this journey will end with Jack. We are desperately thankful for everyday that God gives us to be alive and together as a family of 4. We are deeply grateful and our faith has been deepened with the miracles that we have seen happen in Jack's life because there has been so many and so much that the Lord has done. Tonight I feel such a longing in my heart to know that no matter what happens....if this story ends "my" way or not....that God is still God and He is still deserving of my greatest trust - regardless of what I can see with my eyes.
I will leave you with the challenge that ended our time of devotions this morning, "Does your faith need miracles to sustain it? Or do you trust God so totally that you can say, "But if not, I will still trust the Lord!"?